I wonder if anyone else has these moments. Coffee cup in hand, October sunshine spilling through the windows, soft folk music somewhere in the background, hair at fourteen wild angles, still wearing the clothes from the day before. Sometimes, it's little things.
I am not afraid of being melancholy, being sad, just feeling okay. Maybe, a long time ago, I was, but I'm not anymore, because I've learned something. Joy is not a constant state of being. Joy is a game. It appears, it disappeares. There is a brilliant line in Tenessee Williams' heartbreaking one act The Glass Menagerie. It opens the show, in fact:
"Yes, I have tricks up my pocket, I have things up my sleeve. But I am the opposite of a stage magician. He gives you illusion that has the appearance of truth. I give you truth in the pleasant disguise of illusion."
Joy is like that. It really, truly exists, but it does not run around our cities or through our homes with its face laid bare for all to see at any given moment. It hides; it tricks. Think of it like a child, giggling in the corner of the closet, because they know that big brother is so close to winning Hide-and-Seek.
So today I found joy. I'm taking a sick-day off school. I woke up late, covered in cold sweat and coughing. I didn't sleep well. I don't feel any better. But, despite or maybe because of all that, I was sitting on my couch by the window, grinning like an idiot, and wondered if the Coffee Lovers have ever felt this way. There is no explanation. It is the sunshine that breaks past the clouds, when, maybe, you didn't even know there were clouds to break past. It is something that was hiding in plain sight, just waiting to be stumbled upon.
It isn't something we seek. We chase happiness, and that always gets away from us. Joy is just something we wait for, we find by accident, we giggle, run, laugh, and whoop with. And then, in the way of all children, we let it go, knowing that nothing is permanent, happy that everything - everything! - comes back to us in the end.
May your coffee be strong, your passions electric, and your laughter easy.